Feedback and Festering Emotions
It's useful to first figure out what's rocking the boat before adjusting course
Your intellect is like a paper boat floating on a tumultuous sea of emotions. You will try to justify anything to avoid experiencing certain negative emotions
I still shudder when I think about what it feels like to be in a presentation that I know is going sour. My most vivid memory of something like this was from my first semester of research in a computational chemistry lab. I braced myself for questions and concerns regarding my data analysis from colleagues. Instead, I felt personally attacked as they listed aspects of my presentation that were confusing and improperly presented. My mind raced to protect my ego. "PowerPoint crashed, so I had to remake the presentation from scratch!" "It's only my second presentation!" While I did not say anything, my excuses blocked out their critiques. While these excuses made me feel better in the moment, I realized that they would only be holding me back in the future. Once the emotional energy of the ordeal dissipated, I chatted with my PI privately. I heard his critiques with a clearer mind and rapidly thought about how I could improve. I changed how I presented the data and background information and asked again for his feedback. I ended up doing significantly better in subsequent presentations.
If you were to ask me how I was thinking or feeling during that experience, I would tell you that I'm thinking in a supremely rational fashion. It was only through hindsight that I realized what was going on. This experience is ubiquitous. When I work with students dealing with the aftermath of a poor MCAT practice test score, a similar pattern emerges. What helps is recognizing what is going on. Many people treat their negative emotions like a crying baby on a plane. They would instead turn away and ignore it. However, it does not stop the fact that the baby colors our entire experience of the flight.
I am not saying that you get therapy and talk aBoUt YoUr FeEliNgS every time you get harsh feedback. All I am saying is that you pay attention to it. Perhaps discover where the feelings comes from and where it is going. Perhaps notice what beliefs are attached to the emotions. Do not expect to improve when you have a raging storm in your mind and need to adapt to feedback.
What do you think? What caveats may there be to this point? Can one be too aware of one’s emotions?